You're Gonna Miss My Lovin

There is an excellent skit of a well known black comedian whose character is about to have a colonoscopy. He apparently has received no Versed, because his anxiety threatens to spring him heavenward to grasp the light fixture with both hands and feet. Then the nurse comes in, flips a switch, and the lights dim, and the disco ball descends. Then, the soulful sounds of "You'll never find / Another love like mine" percolates through the endoscopy suite. None other than Lou Rawls himself emerges in a white coat and other gastroenterologist's gear, including latex gloves and a colonoscope, the end into which he incants his mellifluous melody.

Could these days be coming to an "end"? According to many gastroenterologists, yes.

Currently, no other specialist holds a candle to the gastroenterologist in the inevitability department. The cardiologist may never run you on his treadmill, much less "cath" you. You may never see the likes of my bretheren, either for the pulmonologist's bronchoscopy or the sleep specialist's overnight sleep study. But you cannot avoid the infamous colonoscopy at age 50 if you want to follow the American Cancer Society's recommendations for colon cancer screening. Oh sure, you could opt out for less-than-standard fare, such as a barium enema with a sigmoidoscopy, but the --shall we say--inconvenience--is the same. The gastroenterologist will ultimately ream us all.

In the future, however, virtual colonoscopy using CT or MRI may become the standard diagnostic procedure, obviating billions of rectosigmoid boogies via colonoscopy. If you turn 50 next year, however, you are "stuck" with the tried and true.